Topic sentence: your insightful opinion of a meaningful life list idea that has a hook and that implies you understand the purpose of the writers piece
Thesis: now I want to prove this Embedded quote: memorize the quote needed Commentary: Given a random number on a life list worksheet and you write a topic sentence about each of the life list ideas given to you Tips: go down the list and figure out the ideas you think of each of them. Please review, edit and grade the following 3 CD responses based on how well each sentence part fulfills our definitions.
Topic Sentences/Statements - You might need to branch out and ADD an extra sentence to fully introduce both the Life List ideas/thematic topics and the specifically answer the question. Grade ____/10 NEW TS definition - Your provable, insightful opinion of a Life List idea that matters without saying “I” and it has a hook that demonstrates you understand the author’s intent. Grade____/10 Quality CDs - Make sure your 2 CDs work together to prove your opinion but don’t simply say the same thing. Grade____/10 CM - Do not simply repeat your CD. Try to look beyond the obvious and share your ability to read between the lines! Grade____/10 CS - Call to action or application of your opinion. Grade____/10 Sample #1 People lie to keep hold of the character traits that they admire, and to distance themselves from any that are looked down upon. As Miss Maudie teaches the children, people should “never take pride in their talents,” which is the foundation of Atticus’ dishonesty (98). Pride leads to selfishness, and Atticus know that selfishness can turn a person into something they aren’t. It can change a person’s viewpoint and their entire outlook on life itself. Cal tells Scout that telling the truth is often times “not ladylike”(128). In order to develop into the young lady society expects her to be, Scout must learn to hold her tongue. The truth can hurt, and proper women are gentle and kind. Mr. Raymond explains that lying is necessary to “give [others] a reason” to explain the person he is (200). He is judged by others on a daily basis, simply because of the way that he lives. To avoid developing anger or hate, he gives them another reason to judge him, one that he can control. Lies prevent people from changing into something that they don’t want to be. TS & Thesis Grade 8/10 = CD Grade 7/10 = 6 CM Grade 7/10 = 5 CS Grade 8/10 Sample #2 Lying is something that occurs in some situations, often for the beneficiary of others and as well as due to previous actions that may lurk one. Both Cal and Atticus lie so that they stay away from an unwanted situation by not expressing their talents, sheltering others as well as the kids from the truth. After Atticus's makes a dead on shot killing a stray dog, Ms. Maudie brings up the fact that, “People in their right minds never take pride in their talents” (130). Scout becomes confused of why Atticus wouldn’t want to share such a large part of his early life and obviously something that he is very skilled at. Atticus however on the other hand is not one to brag about some of his talents. Also after becoming a lawyer, these talents of his were not in dire need of being put into action, leaving Atticus as someone with a skill that doesn’t want much attention. In another point, while Cal is in the middle of a discussion along side Scout and Jem, she emphasizes how, “It's not necessary to tell all you know” (167). This explains how Cal sometimes uses “nigger talk” with her folks while she has the understanding of how poor that language is to others. Along side Atticus and his precise shot, Cal keeps her “at home” language at home so that she doesn't attempt to effect the other families and kids around her. In another case, when Dolphus appears to always be drunk but, when he asks Dill if he wants a sip, he takes it and proclaims that, “it’s nothing but Coca-Cola” (267). Dolphins is married to a black woman and has been running from many people of this situation for a long time. The appearance of him being an alcoholic gives reason to being married to black woman and having mixed kids. This is just a hidden secret along side Cal and Atticus to shelter the ones around them so that they do not become anything of a poor example. People have the tendency to lie about some talents and skills they posses in the attempt to not stand out and have something from their past negatively affect them even if the talent is something worth acknowledging. TS & Thesis Grade 7/10 CD Grade 7/10 CM Grade 8/10 CS Grade 8/10 Sample #3 Sometimes people lie, not only to protect themselves but others. Atticus does not want to be known by the people of Maycomb in a negative way. Atticus doesn’t want everyone to think that he feels better than others because “folks don’t like to have somebody around knowing more than they do. It aggravates them” (126). If Atticus let everyone know that he is a sharpshooter, others might think poorly of him or get the wrong idea. Instead of gloating about his given talent, he decides to hide it for the protection of his family. Lies are told that “ain't honest, but its mighty helpful to folks” (200). Sometimes you have no choice to lie, for the benefit of yourself and others. A lie may not always have a negative effect on people, so sometimes it is okay. Just because it is not the truth, does not mean it is bad. TS & Thesis Grade 6/10 CD Grade 8/10 CM Grade 7/10 CS Grade 7/10 Sample #4 There are various reasons that people lie, but the most important are the lies people tell to protect others and spare feelings. Scout and Jem believed their father to be a boring old man, but after witnessing him shoot an old dog, they recognized him as having “the deadest shot in Maycomb county in his time” (112). By keeping this hidden talent secret from the kids, Atticus was both lying, and protecting the children’s innocence from something he did not want to become an expectation of himself to show off. When people hide certain facts about themselves, they are showing a sense of humility in themselves. Calpurnia acts differently around Scout and Jem than she does her own people, but she understands people aren’t “gonna change an of them by talkin’ right, they’ve got to want to learn themselves, and when they don’t want to learn there’s nothing [anyone] can do but keep [their] mouth shut or talk their language” (143). A major reason Calpurnia acts differently between black and white people is because she doesn’t want to have to be an outcast and isolate herself by being someone unacceptable to society. Dolphus is living a lie as a drunk, but he understands “it helps folks if they can latch onto a reason… [thinking] he can’t help himself, that’s why he lives the way he does” (200). By creating an image as a dishonest man who is unable to control his actions, Dolphus is able to protect his beliefs and the people he cherishes. If lying to people forces them to judge wrongly, and yet they are able to live their lives in peace, people should feel comfortable with being dishonest about their lifestyles. When people realize that certain ways they act may seem arrogant to others, they turn into a different person to fit in with others. People shouldn’t lie, but if the occasion calls for the need, people should lie to protect the innocence and purity of people who know no wrong. TS & Thesis Grade 6/10 CD Grade 5/10 CM Grade 7/10 CS Grade 7/10 Not a structured writing just my emotional response:
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/billieholiday/strangefruit.html The song is morbid and doesn't directly relate to bad things but if you listen closely it talks about what used to happen to African American people. She is talking about African American people but she represents them as a fruit. The music is very sad and adds to what the song is saying and trying to prove. It is a very morbid song but its describing events that actually took place American people used to hang black people because they didn't understand equality and how we are all alike. For me the song made me sad and made my stomach get all tingly knowing that these terrible event took place. It makes me wonder what we are doing wrong in the modern day that we don't recognize as wrong, because back then the American people thought that the were helping the natural order of things but really they are hurting innocent people. We might not consciously think something is wrong because everybody does it, it is the social normality. Therefore it just makes me wonder what if our normality's are right or we need to completely change our ways so that we don't have another frightening time period in history like the one this song is depicting. 2. How do the beliefs of a society affect an individual's beliefs?
*Not very revised* Most people at one point or another have a nagging urgency to find a way to fit in with the “popular” crowd. In the book To Kill a Mockingbird, The town always relies on the social normalities such as “boys [not being] able to cook…” (82). Where the kids live there are strict guidelines for girls and boys. In the end people should be able to choose how they want to live their lives. As well the kids weren't able to say anything cool about what their father had accomplished in his lifetime (89). Most people who don't want to be judged tend not to speak up. People want to be able to boast about something so that for a moment the society will be following what they do. Societies beliefs alter peoples standpoint in life. After our meaning making day in class my group decided to change our question so here is the new idea that we wrote about. 3. How does poverty affect people’s upbringing, motivation and life goals? Poverty never allows for a good outlook on life. In the book To Kill a Mockingbird the Ewell family got to school the “...first day of every year and then leave” (27). The Ewells don't even bother trying to change their tradition and branching out because they have this mindset that it will never get better so why should they even put the effort in. Having to live in the living conditions that poverty consists of can constantly drain a person of their energy to live. Also the town was so poor that many of the kids had the “...absence of shoes…” (19). They would constantly be getting sick from disease and that would negatively affect what the perseverance was. Not only that but having to live with the idea that a persons family could barely put food on the table let alone provide shoes is emotionally unsatisfying. In the end poverty doesn't only affect how they people living in it get judging looks towards them it also interferes with their motivation to exceed in life. Content - Ideas and CDs are sophisticated & original. = 3
Organization - All elements of quality writing are present: strong and clear intro, thesis and conclusion, logical BP & CD sequence. = 4 Voice - student understands the audience, avoids slang, "you" and takes the prompt seriously. = 4 Word Choice - Writer uses sophisticated and appropriate vocabulary. = 3 Flow - Sentences vary in length and structure, creating a easy to read essay. = 3 Conventions - Writing is generally free of errors that interfere with meaning. Also, properly cited! = 4 In my content I gave myself a 3 because i feel like my commentary good have varied a little bit more. As for organization I gave myself a 4 because I thought that I grouped all of my of paragraphs well and the cds supported one another. I gave myself a 4 on voice because I didn't use the word you or slang in my essay. I gave myself a 3 on word choice because I used some sophisticated vocabulary but I also repeated words a lot. I also gave myself a 3 on flow because my sentences made sense together and weren't choppy however there were quite a few of the same length sentences. As for conventions I gave myself a 4 because it was generally free of mistakes and I had a semicolon. Today was Sunday and I was able to finish my brainstorming and also write my outline. On top of that I was able to start writing rough draft. After our talk on Monday I want to change almost my whole essay because I wasn't proving the theme correctly.
Today was Friday so our work period was shorter. I was able to get a little bit done but I had some clarifying questions that would have helped to make my workday more productive. I was able to get more of brainstorm done and find a few more quotes that would support my essay.
Toady during class I was able to find 10 quotes which gives me the ability to choose which ones I want to use. I was also able to start brainstorming for those quotes. I would rather be further in the writing process but it took me a while to come up with the points I wanted to prove and how I wanted to prove those points. However, I didn't realize that it was a requirement to use CDs from the movie so I need to find some more of those. So it took me about 1 hour because that is the estimated class length.
Being and elephant is lots of work
Once I went to the waterhole to get a drink But then there were big lions on the lurk They scared me away and I could not think The lion got close, I almost fought her I can’t believe I had gotten away I forgot how much I needed water Too late to turn back, no light in the day I missed my family that was back at home Alone in the open safari plain That whole, cold, night all I could do was roam My only wish was that it did not rain I learned not to be afraid of lions Only if they happen to be flyin’ |